In time

I got the notion that there might be an explosion of controversy in this century seems that the good people don't trust the bad people enough to work together to try to change the weather of this planet we call home,the blue ocean and the green sea are apparently at odds with each other and can not together figure witch way to flow,can't anyone play nice any more figure which way to the safest sure thing to be positive about something,bring something nice to the table then share it with everyone not just the young and beautiful try to be truthful without talking with your mouthful make your mothers proud that you are part of the crowd who is concerned and willing to wanting to if able to do whatever good thing is needed to do,won't you?

I'm not sorry I still love you and I still do,I feel i've grown because of you and whatever we've been through together seems so brief and still it seems like forever we have known each other,thou I do admit it has been awhile anyway I still love you ,just sayin...

happened
Wish I didn't miss but I can't dismiss the feeling that steers me in whatever direction it may,Its still not clear to me but evidently It will all be correct in the end,Maybe its reckless but I'm quite helpless in the course that guides me to the end,I just hold my breath and hold on tight enjoy the ride while I'm still topside in the light that shines on me daily till I go down in flames I'll keep playing this game of whos who and who are you all just a diversion to get me through another day another battle with the light waiting for darkness and the still of the night,I feel good content satisfied glad to be alive unlike so many of my peers sisters and brothers of this world moved on before me perhaps before their time,crossed the fine line on the time line end of their moment not the end of mine,I'm feeling ok I'm feeling fine good day good day...

I've accepted my limitations I understand them now,they used to worry me,but obviously they must exist otherwise I would be perfect and that would be far greater pressure than ever I could stand.Actually they are something of a comfort they ease the pressure of success ,it merely redefines it is and what it should be  because  life is apparently a success unto itself your alive ,your a success congratulations on your continued success... 

When all hell breaks loose and everything is all wrong, when when sanity and reality collide and it seems I've been waiting too long for things to work themselves out as I understood that they would,I keep trying to get up and the world just keeps knocking me down,I will take a little hiatus,a break and a breather you may not ,for awhile see me around I won't really be hiding just a little time for me, I'll just be patiently waiting in the lost and found...

Its such a powerful feeling that comes over me intimate passionate I won't explain,like finding joy in pain its abundant and confining,just realizing the little things in life corny cliché again abundant and free for the taking only a few are invited I know this now,I'm thankful to be one of them,can't explain how it makes me feel how i think I can feel how I'm gonna feel,I've had a glimpse into your future and its so very good I just hope you notice that will make it all true,if you don't so sad ,it was all there just waiting for you...  

Sorry I arrived late but I just couldn't find my way I remember you invited me along earlier I just was not paying much attention at the time,it only seemed as thou I declined the offer but I'm pretty sure I did not.Still here I am I had other things to do but I found the time to spend with just you.I thought we were good together you seemed relaxed I thought we had fun ,conversation usually light the situation always felt right,always a mystery to me why should it be more than this still intimate it is a friendship with a few possibilities there are no rules no guidelines no fine line we can't cross no assumed expectations no extreme acquired situations that we can't risk that loss,just  time,the greatest gift like substance ever known I hope we use it wisely,its not always there for us but we can share it it does not accumulate we have equal portions shall we spend it together?I think so...

Its ironic,I think, how they put her ass in sexual herassment...

red dots

I know its just a game, still I rely on my obsession,I think of it everyday just the same black dots are always black dots until they're not.I have since been reduced and once was seduced now more of a recluse bored and still patiently awaiting for the dam to break open the gates let the excitement flow, till I can't see straight,I just let go, if only to show to myself ,I can still choose my shelf to sit on or jump off, landing hard stop, or soft on the run.Still searching seeking rediscovering my inner personality, my inner weakness, it is vulnerable but durable, so strong and brave willing to sacrifice security and safety for bruises and pain,jumped over the grave reality just a few minutes of fame long since gone barely remember if or when, it was an instant not a constant it comes to me now and then it again goes unnoticed back into my subconscious where it lies content waiting.My addiction my obsession perhaps run its course,thou still a formidable force, black dots are still black dots till they turn red then they are not...I feel no remorse...

I slipped quietly away into the night, only looking back briefly,to see if shadows were trailing me in the dimmest of light, surely I had been seen fleeing the scene of such a horrific fight, possibly no.This must be my conscience peering at me I now feel faint lightheaded and dizzy I can't go back it was an accident but no one will see it that way I will be strong I will continue on I will cry only this one tear,only this one time...

True love isn't something you find when you're looking for it, it's something that finds you when you need it the most,its not something you have control over,it appears like a ghost,your not always sure at first,if it was or is real,your not sure of what you saw, thought or started to feel,its uncanny,often frightening,not really sure if its a day thing or a night, thing or if it all happened just because you were drinking,or if really it might even be the right thing,either way don't be afraid just turn out the lights and see if it goes away...

Call only if there is an emergency ,text anytime example:theres extended happy hour at your favorite establishment...thats a call...your going out and everybody else is busy,thats a text...you want to go out and your paying,thats a call.you want to go out and I'm paying thats a text,lol JK you can call on that on too...

disappointed

Riding free past the deadbeats and the wannabes,no wind in no hair just against the smile on my face,never gave a care, never acknowledged disgrace in my lifetime was always told what was right and how to stay in line, but I never really listened to fools and old school losers who never had a correct answer,never had a clue,till they lay on their death beds then life became so simple they then understood what I was always trying to say, things I've always said,at least they got it one time before they past away, to the next stop on the journey to immortality,then to be with me I'm not angry,just frustrated how I tried so hard and so many ways to explain the simplest thing to you, but you just turned away,left me standing rambling like a fool,you tried to embarrass me, I refuse to  acknowledge why you chose ignorance to keep company with your loneliness and defiance to be your closest friend,still I go on looking at you waiting for you to look back at me and smile and tell me it was meant to be and everything will always be ok in the very end...

Had a great nite cheering on michelle at the strip joint,sure there were naked woman to distract me from the real reason I was there ,to support and cheer on a friend,sure they had big beautiful bums and asked for very little money to touch them,sure they asked me to come back on a regular basis,but I digress its all about sportsmanship,who's with me on this...

let me know if you happen to pass by publix tomorrow

haha

love you

muah

have a good night.. or day... whatever! Go to sleep

 I'm a hustler baby, I just want you to know...I don't need your downs and laying arounds I want to go out and breath and relieve my need for living free I want to climb a rock,not just to get on top but to feel the pain in my fingers the bumps on my knees  on my way up,to always be aware that I have the ability to enjoy all facets of life, just to enjoy being me...

first theres the airfare then you have to book the room,and thats tough in the summer months,then you finally get to your room and theres probably not enough towels cause ya need towels for the shower after all that sweating you do when you read the bible in a hotel room,well I do anyway.And what if somebody stole the bible,then what all that way for nothing...follow me ,crossing the T special introductory rates don't delay do it today...no affiliation with railroad crossing tea company...

thought

A blinking light it must be a text ,I hope its you,nothing important maybe a joke or two,anything to help me through this mundane day,working doing the right thing and making my way.I'll check it when I get a chance,a small break in the action,a moment yes a moment ,I see a flashing red light I know its a text I hope it is you...

later

I know always with you, I'll have a place to rest my head and a friend who will cleanse my soul,you scratch mine,I'll watch yours,as we venture through this journey of friendship we may observe a certain mishap but never a relapse to our worst day always an interest and consideration or know when to clear out of each others way,always room to breath never make you or me uneasy about things we've said even after we vented our souls just to help clear our heads,I don't always need you or you me but alas thats because we know what we know you and me...

  --ORIGINAL MSG: I once knew a hot guy with a Bhuel it was cool and i never learnde to spell it so hot guy dumped me.Got something crazy to tell u. Call me. Ull get a kick out of thisIt's good by the wayIt's cute that you think I'm kidding... LolSilly and sassy. Lol  I'm just goofy!  No you stupid faceHaha! Ur a trip!The ladies at bank of America will love that. LolAnd checking out my moms rack...How much entertainment can I interest you in tonight mr. Obrien? LolHaha. Thought you could read my mind by now...How do u come up with that??Ur a trip!! LolMmm burgers from christies!!!Hahaha. Getting it now! And u know ur awesome and that I love ya. That's worth more than 90. LolI have officially recorded in a million dollar studio  Western union if u can? Pretty please? I'll so make up to youHaha. Ur the best :)Getting it now. Had some issuesTemporary issues ;):) thanks again :))Lol! See you in 6 :)90 covers you're awes.... Lol! Just kidding!  It's all good! Can't blame a chick for trying

love you too sassy

 A fool and his money are buried together

I've grown stale I got cold old and unavailable,your youth leads me to new creative sensations or just back to them I'm not sure and I'm sure I don't care yet I am simply thankful and thankfully unaware of what the next trip will be, an adolescent adventure,well quite possibly I will keep perusing that so called happiness even if it is just a dream,I have made peace with my demons long ago now we live in harmony together no misunderstandings no grievances no irrelevant upheavals theres just no need no more causes to believe in now its all smiles and pats on the back till the end of our days,I can not think of any other way to streamline our precious time just the demons and me in perfect harmony,just towing that line,just letting it be...

awaken
I will be who you want me to be,I will be who you need me to be,I will stay plain to maintain that certain stability on which you've come to expect and rely on,I shall wear only smiles from day to day I shall never waiver I will forever sustain that naive vulnerability such undying trust to forever commemorate the two of us,strolling through life together never wishing for more complete concentration on your every need and desire and if you believe all, your the ultimate geek,and I am the ultimate liar,who did you think was gonna polish all that armor feed the damn horse,pillage the meek entertain this bad ass knight from week to week,be careful what you wish for,and another thing cinderella ,clean that filthy floor...

 I used to be sluggish and down like this all the time till I discovered spam,just when your out of energy open a can of spam and bam take a big old bite I know it don't sound right as you sink your teethe in to what used to be a hogs grin ground up pig parts and partially potentially hydrogenated beef hearts mmm bye some spam today,and get back in the game...!

fail

Well what did you expect another vase of flowers a glass of cold water in the face,a peek into a parallel universe or another tall fantasy tail for god sakes,sorry didn't want to go there I was not afraid,I was scared how it might turn out in the interim the end never bothers me and the beginning I wasn't aware of a thing its more the process that brings things into perspective,what does that mean?well hard to tell I think it means I'm afraid of work, can't stand the thought trying and then failing,so I'm afraid to try and I claim to be lazy sounds crazy ?Well then explain it to me...

three

There were several flowers visible in the field,the wind blew them gently but constant,eventually they would begin to grow a little less straight,they were still beautiful and fragrant and willing to share their beauty with the world,there was no, one day out of the ordinary most days were quite the same yet over time one flower bent a little more than the rest under the constant strain, it was not a different type flower,it was just a little smaller and slightly more fragile,the other two flowers did their best to block some of the wind and help support the smaller more delicate flower,but they could only do so much.Time has past and the smaller flower seemed to be growing enough to not bend any more,but it remains a little bent a little needy and still beautiful...