red dots

I know its just a game, still I rely on my obsession,I think of it everyday just the same black dots are always black dots until they're not.I have since been reduced and once was seduced now more of a recluse bored and still patiently awaiting for the dam to break open the gates let the excitement flow, till I can't see straight,I just let go, if only to show to myself ,I can still choose my shelf to sit on or jump off, landing hard stop, or soft on the run.Still searching seeking rediscovering my inner personality, my inner weakness, it is vulnerable but durable, so strong and brave willing to sacrifice security and safety for bruises and pain,jumped over the grave reality just a few minutes of fame long since gone barely remember if or when, it was an instant not a constant it comes to me now and then it again goes unnoticed back into my subconscious where it lies content waiting.My addiction my obsession perhaps run its course,thou still a formidable force, black dots are still black dots till they turn red then they are not...I feel no remorse...